I have been watching Digger closely when he laughs. Trying
to hone in on what he finds funny. The first time Digger laughed out loud at
something on TV was at Pingu. That little mischievous penguin, the Bart Simpson
in the World of Claymation. What’s not to like and laugh about? I completely follow.
As Digger's language is coming along, so too is his sense of
humour. For most children it is a learned behaviour, says Louis Franzini who
wrote his phd on the subject, much of it published in Kids Who Laugh: How to Develop Your Child's Sense of Humor. Having
a sense of humour plays an important role in developing self-esteem, learning
to problem solve, and honing social skills, he states. Digger appears to have a
keen and good sense of humour, yet more signs of his sunny personality and of
his ever-growing cognitive development. In all honesty I am not sure how much
we have to do with it. It seems to be who he is. Most days he is a cheeky
cheerful monkey who tries to makes us laugh. And he does cracks us up! Frequently.
I bet it feels good to him when we too are in stitches. Especially if it is
over something he meant for us to find funny.
Digger laughs at jokes he can’t possible understand. He
is simply joining in. Like when I told him an old family favourite: the one about
the goalkeeper who didn’t have any children because he couldn’t score.
Laughter has so many terrific nuances. A sound and sight of
beauty in everyone. We all giggle, gurgle, chortle, chuckle, guwfaw, cackle,
snigger, snort. Well, I snort if I really get going. Perhaps not so beautiful
come to think of it… Anyway, those involuntary spasms are yet another dimension
of layered communication. And a key into somewhere deep and very personal. Or a
wall to keep us from getting hurt. Laughter, as giggles, can be an incredible
effective form of defence and release, no less so than many tears.
When I called to tell my mum that my first boyfriend and I
had split up – SHE LAUGHED!! Say whaaaaa….???!! I was stunned and nearly
dropped the receiver. Was she high?! I called her to be a sympathetic
ear... My husband says I too laugh at moments that can definitely be taken as inappropriate if not insensitive. He says it is a family weakness. Geez.
That is not at all embarrassing… He he. Only good thing to say about it is that
is sometimes … sometimes … can break the ice - like at those tense and yet
intensely boring management meetings.
Recently, I have been learning a bit about Theraplay. At a
course last week, arranged by PAC, Annie Kiermaier gave some wonderful advice,
and showed us many new games to play with our children in which laughter plays
an important role. I did exactly that when I stepped through our front door
later that afternoon. I put down my bag and started playing, and have kept at
it since. Kiermaier showed us a short video in which she pretended to be blown
over by a child. So now Digger and I do the same. We sit
facing each other on the carpet, then lean towards each other, and when he
blows in my face I make a big noisy fuss, and roll over. Feet in the air, all
the way up and over on to my shoulders. ‘Mummy bum!’ he exclaims with
delight. If he can talk or move from
laughing so hard.
Tickling can be fantastic, tantalisingly soothing even, but
it has to be done with great care. As mentioned in an earlier blog on touch I have profound memories of being tickled too hard for too long by my
father. Tickling has such a strong potential of being too overwhelming and
uncomfortable, and so it can be misuse of power.
‘Is this good tickling or bad tickling?’ Kiermaier
suggested we ask, if we can tell when we are tickling our minions. Just adding
little pressure will activate other nerve ends than those that respond to soft
touch, she added.
True laughter is
the best medicine. Studies are now showing it too. It lifts depression and
makes sick people feel better. I always knew that things were going the wrong
way for me, when I lost my ability to laugh. That is a serious wake up call, inviting
me actively to seek and find it. And it always
helps.
Grown ups being silly is the best! It is such an indication
that they are genuinely engaged. Emotionally it is the real deal. And that
is what children need and go for like heat seeking missiles.
It is also worth being aware of the perhaps less obvious
sides of laughter. Say a child laughs inappropriately, when you tell them off. That
it is a clear indication that you have overstepped their boundaries, and you
need to step back. They are trying to
diffuse the situation and their stress – in an effectual manner. And this we
can help channel more effectively for us both when we respond more
playfully, with loving warmth and presence. Those qualities are key, and will
help me any situation if I can tap into them. Laughter then springs naturally.
I am glad someone pointed this darker side of laughter out to me. Because I have seen and felt it as a demarcation with Digger. I did tell him off too harshly, and he did use laughter to push me away rather than draw me in. Outch. He is such a little adult pleaser, so I feel I must take extra care to notice these other ways of him expressing discomfort. And help him shed it.
I can also recommend HandinHandParenting on their view on laughter:
http://www.handinhandparenting.org/article/helping-children-conquer-their-fears/
http://www.handinhandparenting.org/article/helping-children-with-tantrums-in-public/
And Larry Cohen:
http://www.playfulparenting.com
I am glad someone pointed this darker side of laughter out to me. Because I have seen and felt it as a demarcation with Digger. I did tell him off too harshly, and he did use laughter to push me away rather than draw me in. Outch. He is such a little adult pleaser, so I feel I must take extra care to notice these other ways of him expressing discomfort. And help him shed it.
I can also recommend HandinHandParenting on their view on laughter:
http://www.handinhandparenting.org/article/helping-children-conquer-their-fears/
http://www.handinhandparenting.org/article/helping-children-with-tantrums-in-public/
And Larry Cohen:
http://www.playfulparenting.com