On Monday I went to an amazing workshop with Sally Donovan. Based on material from her upcoming book on adoption parenting, it was brilliantly refreshing, honest, real and useful. She delivered it all with ease, clarity and grace. Everyone should have a Sally D! If I can't, I'll buy her second book. Well... I'll buy that any way. Can't wait.
I found Sally's workshop immensely reassuring. It confirmed many of my core beliefs and taught me many news things. It made me feel more confident about caring for my son in a way that is different and - on the face of it - softer than mainstream parenting. It is not laissez faire parenting. Just the opposite in fact. It's parenting with open eyes - respectfully, compassionately and gently.
But first and foremost I was reminded that without Digs, his sunny temperament and the boundless love he brought to our house there would be no involvement in adoption parenting and charity. He gives me the surplus energy to do and explore like never before. Parental isolation is a thing of the past for me. I feel supported. And loved. In my family. And in my community.
Admittedly I left with a feeling that I have it easy - Sally told us never apologise for not having it difficult. It may all change. My son is a bundle of joy. He was not well when I got back on Monday - another epic cold was announcing itself. But he was happy. Bubbly and chatty as ever. As Sally urged us to do, I told him straight away when I saw him how happy I was to see him and his face did light up. His curly hair even seemed to stand up a bit more too. I got a big hug and a giant lick on my face (he likes to pretend he is a baby cat at the moment). Some things are very simple in the world of bonding and attachment. If only we keep remembering to do them.
I feel quite certain I'll f*#% up with reassuring frequency - outch and sorry in advance. I don't like the thought of that, yet I know it to be realistic. But I'll continue to do my best. Because you do<em></em> deserve nothing less.
Thank you, little Mouse.
Thank you, Sally. Bring on the book!
Sally Donovan's The Unofficial Guide to Adoptive Parenting will be published by JKP in November. http://www.jkp.com/catalogue/book/9781849055369