Friday, 25 September 2015

20 seconds

Mindfulness. It's bloody everywhere isn't it. I tire of the word and the pressure it applies of smooth perfection and graceful presence. In clean minimalist homes. Smug. 

Yet I'm curious. And I freely admit - as I have done here many times - that I could do with a dose of slowing down to check in with all my senses. I'm a better mum and wife when I do. I stress less when I remember to slow down. And so I snap less, yell less, rush less, burn the toast less, cut my fingers less. And so on. 

So when I came across the idea of just looking your loved one in the eye for 20 seconds I was intrigued. I do that all I the time I thought. Truth is I don't. 

20 seconds is no time at all. Or just right. Or very very long. Definitely can be too long. 

Keep the gaze. Leave the world around. Just be. Right here. Right now. Connect. 

Larry Cohen talks of eye love. Of holding that loving gaze. Of the flow and deep sense of belonging that springs from it. 

The gaze. We do it when we are in love. Mothers and fathers do it with their children. Babies do it with their parents. 
And they turn away when they have had enough. Wonderfully clear message of 'Fanks but no fanks.' If not 'Buzz off.' Which of course can leave us feel rejected. Unhappily in love. Unfulfilled. Unconnected. 

So powerful is giving or withholding eye contact. So aggressive. So loving. So calming. So needy. So personal. 

What do you see? 

Look your child in the eyes every day. 
I'm guilty of forgetting that. 

Look your spouse in the eyes. Every day. 
I'm guilty of forgetting that too. 

Stopping to look. Not to look at. Just to look. 

It is so simple. And such a lovely way of slowing down. 

Try it ... 

What did you think? 
How did it feel? 

What did you see? 


  1. This sounds lovely. It would definitely be a labour of love getting OB to the point of actually making eye contact for 20 seconds though! Maybe we'll have to start small and work up to it :-)

  2. On the few occasions I connect with Flossy eye contact is a big part of that. The rest of the time she'd rather drink acid than look me in the eye. I think I'll give it a go!

  3. Thanks for these comments. And yes, avoiding eye contact is a hard one... I sometimes make it in to a 'try not to blink' game. In the right frame of mind it's very hard to do without smiling I find. Good luck !